My fanfic is set roughly 20 years after the end of the first Monsters Inc movie. It is from Sulleys POV and contains mainly dialogue between him and Mike, as well as his thoughts on their conversation. both following and preceding Mikes dialogue.
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Mike wore a very serious and worried expression on his face as he walked into my office. He slowly sat himself down in the chair opposite my desk, but before I got a chance to ask what was wrong he looked straight at me, and let out a long deep sigh.
“It’s getting worse every day Sulley. People are cutting way back on their power usage and there are still blackouts all over the grid. The kids just aren’t laughing enough anymore. We can’t come up with anything original to make them laugh, once they've seen it a hundred times it just stops being funny.”
I know he is right but what can I do about it? I've been thinking about it morning and night for the past week and come up with nothing. Just because I have CEO next to my name on the door doesn't mean I have all the answers.
“Yes, but Mike, what can we do? You can’t force a laugh out of someone, it just doesn’t work that way.”
“We are monsters Sulley. Not clowns. What are monsters good at? Being scary. You know it’s the only way forward Sulley. There isn’t enough power to manufacture anything in the factories. Food is running low all over the city, Monstropolis is suffering.”
He knows I don’t like the idea one bit but he is suggesting it anyway, there are other ways though. I should tell him my idea, but he won't like it, I can almost hear his thoughts ready to say no to whatever I suggest.
“Why don’t we branch out into a new market Mike? There are human adults out there, not just children. We can make them laugh. We could even do special shows in front of thousands and convince them we are humans wearing costumes as part of the comedy show, they will never know. It will be brilliant.”
I know exactly what he is going to say because it’s the same thing I would say. Adults are smarter, they will find out about us, they will come through a door.
“Sulley.. You’re not serious are you? The adults are much more intelligent than the children. One of them will find out, all it takes is one. They will send people through a door into our city, and I don’t even want to imagine what will happen then, it’s to horrific.”
“It’s worth a try isn’t it? We can take precautions to make sure a human doesn’t get through. Humans aren’t toxic you know. You do remember Boo don’t you Mike?”
“We have to go back to scaring Sulley. It’s the only hope we have. A new generation has come through so most of the children we visit these days have never been scared by a monster. The screams will be so powerful the city will be back to full power reserve in a day, two at the most. That will give us a bit of time to think about what direction we are going to head in. You know deep down it’s the only way Sulley.”
He’s right. And I know he’s right. That’s the worst part. It’s the necessary course of action to keep Monstropolis and its monsters safe and well, but I swore to myself as long as I was CEO the company would never go back into the scaring business again.
“Mike, who is going to scare? All the new monsters have never been taught how. We taught them how to make children laugh. It takes two years of training and another year of work experience to get good at it. You and me both know that’s time we don’t have. Even if I agreed with the scare idea, it can’t be done.”
And just like that I realised what he was thinking. He can’t be serious. He knows how I feel. He is my best friend, a friend would never ask for something like that.
“Sulley. You were the best scarer Monstropolis has ever seen. You won the Scareathon 7 years in a row. The closest anybody came to that was Randall who won three, but that was before you started scaring, and everyone knows he cheated anyway.”
So not only does he want to start the scaring business again which he knows I am against, he wants me to do the scaring which I am even stronger opposed to. But what can I say. If I say no I may as well destroy Monstropolis myself.
"Imagine if every kid you scare was Boo, or Boo's kids. Would you still do it Mike? The look on their face when they wake up to us is terrible, it gives me nightmares, how can you ignore that? How do you sleep knowing so many children can't because they are terrified, and we are the cause of it.
He can't be that cold hearted. I must have got to him, on some level at least.
"But Sulley, every kid isn't Boo, all we do is scare them and prevent the possibility of the destruction of Monstropolis, is that really so bad? In the end it's your decision Sulley, whatever you choose the city will obey, but you have to pick the thing best for us, not the best thing for human children.
I don't know what to say. For the first time in my life I am at a loss for words, he is looking straight at me, not staring, just questioning, waiting for an answer as if hoping I will have the solution. But I don't all I can do is look straight back and hope he realises this time I don't have the answer, and this time I won't give in to his solution because his solution goes against everything I believe in.
He kept looking at me for a minute until he simply sighed as he did when he sat down, picked himself out of the chair and walked out of my office, silently closing the door behind him.
Again just like your previous two drafts, this one is written very well and I enjoyed reading it. The background you have given into your fanfiction at the start helps the reader to understand when the story is set. I believe it is clear to tell when it is set and whose point of view it is from anyway because of the way it has been written. Very clear and easy to follow.
ReplyDeleteYou have made evident successful improvements from each draft you have done Zac. I am looking forward to reading your final piece of fanfiction for ‘Monsters Inc’.
Having previously not seen Monsters Inc I think you've done a good job of relaying the necessary information to a reader like myself. By the end of the story I had a fairly clear understanding of the setting and the world you've brought forward. I like that you've made an effort to develop the characters through dialogue however further improvements in this area would really make the difference between a good narrative and a great narrative.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback. Rather than making a new post I just changed this one as it the final product is only slightly different to the 3rd draft.
ReplyDeleteI made an attempt to further develop the characters through dialogue like you said kevin but was somewhat limited by word length unfortunately.